I think I’ve reached the age that I start dreading my birthdays

I’m 22 now and I’m thinking about all my regrets. What I’m writing in this post is stuff I never tell anyone other than my best friend.

I should’ve graduated by now but I’ve had a hard time passing math and physics and my gpa is super low thanks to that. I’ve been in college for civil engineering for 4 years and this sem is 4.5 and I’m just starting my civ engr classes now. It’s going to take me probably another 2.5 years to finish undergrad then I’m doing my masters because it’s going to be a requirement at some point for civil engineers in NY or something. I am enjoying my civil engr classes alot more than the other classes I’ve taken. Last year, my parents figured out generally how bad it was going for me. I’ve buckled down and work harder than ever whenever I can but I’m still worried about screwing up which is possible for one of my ‘big deal’ CE classes.

I’ve gained nearly 60 pounds from my high school weight. I’ve been pretty sedentary thanks to all the studying and tutoring sessions I’m doing. My cousins came over to NY from Dallas and they had a talk with me about my weight subtly by talking about our other cousins that are obese. I decided to finally do something about it again by essentially making a deal with God during Holy communion at church last sunday where I run for at least 20 min and stretch when I have enough time or do as many push ups as I can on the days that I don’t have enough time and in return He’ll help me do well this semester. I got a crappy grade back from my CE231 hw yesterday. Thank God it’s only worth 5% of my grade. I did my cardio at the gym that night. We’re having a test on Wed and I’m starting to understand the work better.I also got back hw from CE209 and didn’t do as well as I expected. I did my push ups when I got home then half an hour later got an email from my prof saying that the TA that graded the hw did a crap job of it and they’ll review it so I’m expecting to get a 95 on the first hw of 209 and an 86 for the second hw. I’m thinking it may work out for me.

I’m not really one to hate myself because I like myself but knowing that I let it get this bad for me managed to make me depressed for realz. I finally understood all those emo posts but I still think cutting urself is not the way to go. The thing that snapped me out of my depression was getting chicken and rice with my friend a couple of weeks ago. We ate, chilled, and talked for a couple of hours during our break between classes. I remember this day as feeling like a rollercoaster. woke up late, class was fun, got depressed with my thoughts while studying, chilled with my friend, loved my 209 class, then came home and found out my dad removed dvr from optimum and my 90% full dvr was erased. 

I’m still not confident enough to have a conversation with a girl that I don’t know so no gf or 1st kiss. I can only really have a conversation when I can get someone to talk about stuff I like like tech, movies, shows, music, books that I like, etc…Being fat and uggo isn’t helping.

Those are all the regrets I can remember and wish to divulge

I have a test tomorrow and a couple more next week so I think I’m only going to really get to celebrate next week.


Held my first blood python this weekend! It was the biggest snake I have ever held in my life and it didn’t terrify me, surprisingly. I used to be petrified of anything without legs. Needless to say, I have come a long way :)

if a snake looks at me and rears it’s head, i will be crapping myself.

Zedd - Clarity (Feat. Foxes) (Acoustic Version)

i’m enjoying the acoustic version of clarity alot


Kuch Kuch Hota Hai + Friendship bracelet 

Ay Rahul, Mujhse dosti karoge? 


i’m praying that this time it will be the hate that transforms into love. i pray they’re able to reclaim the love they’d lost…not just naruto, but sasuke as well. 

sasuke definitely has an agenda but i’m hoping they work it out


September 29: HQ promotional picture of Selena at her 2014 Fall/Winter Adidas NEO Label collection photoshoot